Crossroads…

You know the other day while sitting at my doctor’s office I came across this article and found it so fascinating that I wanted to publish it in my blog.  I myself have reached many crossroads in my life lately and still many ahead I am sure.  The article below though describes the struggles of a gentleman with HIV, his story can easily find itself parallel with our lives in many ways… For me it has put many things into prospective and has made me realize the importance of life; living healthy and strong.  Powerful story, please enjoy!

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I suspect the issue I am about to post here is not an exclusive problem for people with HIV though for people in our situation I imagine the problem somewhat more cystalised. I am sure there comes a time for every single person in their thirties where they begin to wonder if they will ever find that special someone, not a unique situation to HIV – however the options available to those in our shoes for dating are somewhat more limited. Yes I am aware several have met negative partners, confided in them and there has been a happy ending, I have even dated a negative person who was okay with it myself. In general though the chances of finding someone you really do connect with, as opposed to someone who is just in the same situation are something of a narrow tunnel. Certainly the internet makes it easier, for dating generally as well as people in our situation. You can find out so much about a person before you even meet them, of course this method is also responsible for its own share of misunderstandings but I digress.

I am male, in my thirties and have been diagnosed since 1999. Being heterosexual, the contact I have with HIV positive women is fairly tunnel visioned. I have dated two, lovely people through support groups but most of the women I meet here (I am in London in the UK) have normally some sort of visa issue – even with HIV now immigration status is incredibly hard to get now in the UK. It makes long term relationships with a future prospect very difficult. under such circumstances.

I wonder if one should wait and stay single hoping that the special someone will come along (Or that they may find them by looking) or settle for what seems half way there? I always suspected perhaps this is the reason so many people in my country get divorced, we have the highest divorce rate in Europe. People get married before their ready or find themselves in relationships because of their own insecurities and not because of love. Well there is nothing like having HIV to make you insecure, something I have managed to come to terms with. I have never gone out with someone for the hell of it, there has always been something I liked or loved about them. Recently I thought I found someone, first impressions count for a great deal, but I really got mine about them wrong. I should point out that I have decided now to only date positive women because I am so scared of infecting someone else. This girl seemed to be everything I was looking for. Intelligent, beautiful, around my age and with some common interests, we just seemed to click, but after six weeks she really changed. It was almost like everything at the beginning was an act. I felt then and still feel now that I really only had enough strength left in my heart to love someone one more time. In the past I think I have blown it because I have been too cautious, so this time I just went for it, but got really hurt anyway. It was awful, to think you had found that special someone, when the odd are so slim only to then have it all prove false.

Someone else wanted to date me recently, they were a nice person and I doubt they would have ever hurt me, but I really couldn’t see myself with them as a life partner, I guess that spark was missing.

So is it better to hang on in hope knowing though that you could end up being one of those lonely guys who does spend their life alone or settle for reasonable comfortable but not your soul mate?

A question everyone faces I am sure at one time or other, but HIV does tend to add more pressure to ones thought process. I would be most interested to know what people think.

Thanks for reading.

Unknown Author