It’s also the time of year one sits with a glass of wine reflecting and measuring the successes, failures, and shortcomings trying to figure out the plan moving forward. I tend to have better successes on even years than in odd ones and if this year is any indication of truth in that…well lets just say I am looking forward to 2012. 

 Given that, and as in the past, I have a few regrets.  Would I have done some things a little differently maybe…  But in retrospect all was good and I’ve learned some lessons along the way. Major lesson learned you ask, TOLERANCE!

 It’s also been a year of much transition both in my personal endeavors and in my career.  These are two areas I feel moving forward will require more attention to detail and focus, at least more so than in this previous year.  The key to being successful in both of these areas… well I’m not quite sure yet, but more focus will be key.

 With my old relationship settled in the past and in the memory books; My new relationship is now going on three years, WOW, how times passes so quickly!  I have to say though it’s been joyful at times and trying at others filled with both trials and tribulations but what relationship isn’t…. Yet we seem to keep moving forward, but that is because going backwards is not an option.  What that means exactly I am not sure.  I guess developmentally we are at different places;  one still climbing up the corporate ladder and a little wild and crazy; the other on his way down the ladder and ready for retirement and most happy drinking a glass of Merlot and relaxing. But we are strong and we will prevail. I love you Poopa!

 The biggest regret of the year is not having spent more time with the folks.  They are getting older and at the stage in life where needing their off spring is crucial in the validation of their many years of living for us.  As time passes I am sadden by the thought of loosing the two rocks that have been there throughout the years. Facing their mortality is a b*tch! LOL I will work harder in making my parents a priority moving forward.  But don’t dismiss them just yet. In their seventies they’ve decided building a new home would be fun and adventurous!  So their fire is still very much lit.

 Another thing I’ve learned and have come to grips with is that siblings don’t always see eye to eye.  Unfortunately, sometimes that means separation and some space to cool off and maybe see things objectively and try to understand the other side of things.  Still all that family time lost can never be brought back.  I guess PATIENCE in key here!

 All in all, I guess I have no major complaints. For now I will continue working on my bucket list which seems to grow and get shorter simultaneously LOL.  I give thanks that life is good and look forward to a new year filled with love, family and PROSPERITY. 

 HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!

 Signed,

 The Author

Freedom of speech allows us to express our likes and dislikes on the events that occur in Washington or any other political arena. I do have very strong Liberal opinions and can be very vocal at times.  I am never one to push my political views or agendas on others; however, If other’s would like to debate or discuss any issue I’d be more than glad to do so…All I ask is that you respect my views as I will respect yours and after a healthy discussion move on and maybe come out of the discussion with a little more understanding of each other’s political points of view.

During a workout last evening a friend wanted to talk politics and we did;  long story short clearly there were some differences of opinions for sure. But what was really shocking was he made the determination that our friendship was not a good thing because of the differences in our political views. Well the ASSHOLE brought it up in the first place.

Damn Republican! LOL

Art’s Corner

But, when you add time then that makes all of this irrelevant… Because everything changes with time.  So I guess what I am saying is… that in order to get a full understanding of another person is to be by their side until the day they die constantly gaining knowledge about them and then fully understanding who they really were…

 ~AGG

You have been that inspiration in my life that no one will ever be able to measure or understand…Sometimes I don’t even understand the power of you and how you changed my life and life’s outlook.

I thank you for being here, for understanding me, and for allowing me to be me…

Now imagine this, having so much pain at the same time.  Pain so deep it cuts straight through your heart and soul!  How can one love so much, so deep, yet feel such pain and sorrow all at once.  A heart and soul so warm, fresh, full of love and life now sits empty and cold in a dark empty room shattered and dead.  A soul that loved so deeply yet now so empty with nothing left to offer or give. 

Someone once said to me, you will meet that one you will consider a soul mate… Maybe I have or perhaps not; I once thought I had, but the one I thought would be mine, has broken me down to a soulless being with nothing left but a empty shell withering away.

Does one recover from such pain and anguish; I think in time it will be so, but for now I mourn.  Yes, I will heal and I will mend, but a broken soul and a broken heart will never be whole again.  It will be but a mended heart and never the same… But never fear, the human spirit and soul will live again…just never ever the same. Time will tell and time heals all…

One thing is true… I will always love thee and cherish the ground you grace. My hope is that I have taught thee to love, to share and to be true to self. Love Always…

Is it fear of change, fear of the unknown or do we just get comfortable where we’re at and just settle because things could be worse; perhaps rationalizing and thinking/hoping things will change, they may… 

Maybe it’s all just human nature…

Have a Good Day!

 We have all reached crossroads in life, Lord knows I have had my share and sure many more to come.  This piece puts many things into prospective and as I sat there waiting to see the doctor I realized the importance of life, living strong and living healthy.  Although I was certain the outcome of my physical would be fine; for one second I thought, what if…that was a scary second.

Long story short, all turned out well.  Please read the article below and share with others: 

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 I suspect the issue I am about to post here is not an exclusive problem for people with HIV though for people in our situation I imagine the problem somewhat more cystalised. I am sure there comes a time for every single person in their thirties where they begin to wonder if they will ever find that special someone, not a unique situation to HIV – however the options available to those in our shoes for dating are somewhat more limited. Yes I am aware several have met negative partners, confided in them and there has been a happy ending, I have even dated a negative person who was okay with it myself. In general though the chances of finding someone you really do connect with, as opposed to someone who is just in the same situation are something of a narrow tunnel. Certainly the internet makes it easier, for dating generally as well as people in our situation. You can find out so much about a person before you even meet them, of course this method is also responsible for its own share of misunderstandings but I digress.

I am male, in my thirties and have been diagnosed since 1999. Being heterosexual, the contact I have with HIV positive women is fairly tunnel visioned. I have dated two, lovely people through support groups but most of the women I meet here (I am in London in the UK) have normally some sort of visa issue – even with HIV now immigration status is incredibly hard to get now in the UK. It makes long term relationships with a future prospect very difficult. under such circumstances.

I wonder if one should wait and stay single hoping that the special someone will come along (Or that they may find them by looking) or settle for what seems half way there? I always suspected perhaps this is the reason so many people in my country get divorced, we have the highest divorce rate in Europe. People get married before their ready or find themselves in relationships because of their own insecurities and not because of love. Well there is nothing like having HIV to make you insecure, something I have managed to come to terms with. I have never gone out with someone for the hell of it, there has always been something I liked or loved about them. Recently I thought I found someone, first impressions count for a great deal, but I really got mine about them wrong. I should point out that I have decided now to only date positive women because I am so scared of infecting someone else. This girl seemed to be everything I was looking for. Intelligent, beautiful, around my age and with some common interests, we just seemed to click, but after six weeks she really changed. It was almost like everything at the beginning was an act. I felt then and still feel now that I really only had enough strength left in my heart to love someone one more time. In the past I think I have blown it because I have been too cautious, so this time I just went for it, but got really hurt anyway. It was awful, to think you had found that special someone, when the odd are so slim only to then have it all prove false.

Someone else wanted to date me recently, they were a nice person and I doubt they would have ever hurt me, but I really couldn’t see myself with them as a life partner, I guess that spark was missing.

So is it better to hang on in hope knowing though that you could end up being one of those lonely guys who does spend their life alone or settle for reasonable comfortable but not your soul mate?

A question everyone faces I am sure at one time or other, but HIV does tend to add more pressure to ones thought process. I would be most interested to know what people think.

Thanks for reading.

Unknown Author

OMG! 

I have made it two weeks and two days without a cigarette!  I am sooo excited!  I have actually only craved it once in the 14 days since quitting cold turkey.  I cant begin to tell you how good it feels and how good I feel not having had one! 

It is amazing how you don’t realize how bad your body feels as a smoker until you give up the habit.  I don’t wake up coughing, I am not sleepy or tired during the day and generally feel INCREDIBLE! 

If I can do it so can you!  Give up that nasty habit, its just not worth it.  Go out and buy some ice cream instead! LOL

I will keep you posted of my progress…

Ag

If you’re looking for help on your quest to become smoke-free, consider these suggestions.

• Set a date. Don’t just decide to stop smoking on a whim. Set a firm date so you can prepare yourself mentally and start tapering off, if that’s your approach.

• Know why you’re quitting. Some people write their own personal mission statements, citing health benefits, their family, and other compelling reasons to quit. Whether this is your style or not, be clear in your mind about why ending your cigarette habit is important to you.

• Get support. Many people can’t quit smoking alone. Whether you join a support group or just seek counsel from your family and physician, enlist people to help you keep your commitment strong.

• Exercise. You’ll relieve stress and help your body recover from years of tobacco use. Start out slowly, and check with your doctor.

• Drink lots of water. Water can help flush nicotine and other chemicals from your system and can satisfy your craving for something to put in your mouth.

• Do what works. Some people try burying all their cigarettes so they have to put a major effort into getting a smoke, or chewing dog biscuits when they feel like a cigarette. Don’t go overboard, but find a solution that works for you.